Grief and Restlessness: How Journaling and Fidget Tools May Help

Grief does not always look like sitting quietly and feeling sad.

Sometimes grief feels restless.

You may have trouble concentrating, find yourself pacing around the house, constantly reach for your phone, pick at your nails, or feel like you need to keep your hands busy. You might want to accomplish something but have a hard time deciding what to do first.

During times like these, simple tools such as a journal or something to hold and fidget with may give you a small place to direct some of that restless energy.

Neither journaling nor fidget tools can take grief away. They are not treatments for grief. But they can be simple coping tools that some people find useful while moving through a difficult period.

Why Grief Can Make It Hard to Focus

Grief can affect much more than your emotions.

After a major loss, you may notice changes in your concentration, motivation, sleep, energy, or ability to complete everyday tasks. Your mind may repeatedly return to what happened, conversations you had, things you wish you had done differently, or worries about the future.

That can make even simple decisions feel unusually difficult.

You may sit down to work and realize you have read the same paragraph three times.

You might walk into a room and forget why you went there.

Or you may feel physically restless even though you are emotionally exhausted.

There is no single way everyone experiences grief, which is also why different coping tools work for different people.

How Journaling May Help Grief and Restlessness

One reason journaling can be useful is very simple: it gives your thoughts somewhere to go.

Instead of trying to organize everything in your head, you can place some of it on paper.

Research on expressive writing and bereavement has produced mixed results, so journaling should not be presented as something that automatically improves grief.

However, some studies have found benefits from particular forms of structured expressive writing, including writing that helps people make sense of a loss or look at their experience from another perspective.

That does not mean you need to sit down and write several pages about your deepest feelings.

Your journal can be much simpler.

Try a Five-Minute Brain Dump

Set a timer for five minutes and write whatever is occupying your mind.

You might write:

• what you are thinking about

• something you are worried about

• something you miss

• what you need to accomplish today

• something you don't understand yet

• one thing that feels particularly difficult

Don't worry about grammar, handwriting, spelling, or whether your thoughts make sense.

The purpose is simply to get some of the mental clutter out of your head.

You Don't Always Have to Write About the Loss

There may also be days when you simply do not want to write about grief.

That's okay.

Your journal can help you deal with everything surrounding the grief instead.

For example:

What do I need today?

What is making today feel difficult?

What can wait until another day?

What is one thing I can realistically accomplish?

Who could I reach out to today?

What would make tonight a little easier?

This can turn journaling from an emotional exercise into a practical tool for navigating a difficult day.

What About Fidget Tools?

Fidgeting is another way some people respond when they feel restless, stressed, bored, or uncomfortable.

You might twist a ring, tap your fingers, play with a paper clip, bounce your leg, click a pen, or constantly pick something up from your desk without even realizing you are doing it.

A fidget tool simply gives your hands something intentional to do.

Examples include:

• fidget rings

• spinner rings

• stress balls

• worry stones

• putty

• textured objects

• small handheld fidgets

• bracelets or jewelry you can move between your fingers

There is currently much less evidence supporting fidget devices as a stress-management tool than there is supporting many established coping techniques. For example, a study of adults with ADHD found that providing a fidget ball during a laboratory stress task did not produce significant differences in anxiety or physiological measures compared with not having one. That study was not about grief, so it also cannot tell us whether fidget tools specifically help grieving people.

That doesn't mean you cannot use one.

It simply means it is better to think of a fidget as a personal comfort or sensory tool, rather than something scientifically proven to reduce grief.

Why Keeping Your Hands Busy Can Still Feel Helpful

Sometimes you aren't looking for a tool to "fix" an emotion.

You simply need something to do while the emotion is there.

Holding a worry stone during a difficult conversation, moving a spinner ring while sitting in a waiting room, or squeezing a stress ball while thinking may feel more comfortable than sitting completely still.

The same idea can apply to hands-on hobbies.

You might find yourself drawn to:

• knitting

• crochet

• coloring

• gardening

• puzzles

• clay

• baking

• jewelry making

• doodling

The goal doesn't have to be productivity.

Sometimes keeping your hands gently occupied is simply something that helps you get through the moment.

Match the Tool to What You’re Feeling

If You’re Feeling…	Journaling Idea	Fidget or Sensory Tool	Simple Action
Restless	Write a 5-minute brain dump	Fidget ring or worry stone	Sit somewhere quiet and write whatever is on your mind
Overwhelmed	List what feels most urgent	Stress ball	Choose just one thing to handle next
Distracted	Write your top 3 priorities	Small handheld fidget	Focus on one task for 10 minutes
Emotionally heavy	Write one sentence about how you feel	Smooth stone or textured object	Let yourself pause without trying to fix the feeling
Mentally cluttered	Make a “what’s in my head” list	Spinner ring	Write first, then decide what can wait
Tense	Write what you need right now	Putty or squeeze ball	Pair slow breathing with gentle hand movement
Unsure what to do	Answer: “What would help me most today?”	Bracelet or tactile jewelry	Pick one small, manageable action
Too tired to journal much	Write one word or one sentence	Worry stone	Keep the activity intentionally simple

Try Combining Journaling and a Fidget Tool

You don't necessarily have to choose one or the other.

Try creating a simple five-minute routine.

Step 1: Pick up something tactile

Choose a worry stone, fidget ring, stress ball, or another small object you enjoy holding.

Step 2: Take one minute to settle in

Sit somewhere comfortable.

You don't need to clear your mind or force yourself to relax.

Just give yourself a moment before doing anything else.

Step 3: Write one question

Try:

What feels hardest right now?

Write whatever comes to mind.

Step 4: Choose one small action

Finish with:

What is one thing I can do for myself today?

Your answer might be:

Take a shower.

Call my sister.

Go outside for ten minutes.

Eat something.

Finish one work task.

Go to bed early.

That's enough.

Create a Small Comfort Kit for Difficult Days

If restlessness tends to accompany stressful periods for you, consider keeping several simple coping tools together.

Your kit could contain:

• a small journal

• pen

• fidget ring

• stress ball

• worry stone

• tissues

• comforting tea

• headphones

• a short list of journal prompts

• something that reminds you to slow down

Keep it beside your bed, in your desk, in your bag, or somewhere else you can easily reach it.

The purpose isn't to create the perfect self-care routine.

It's to remove one decision.

When you're having a difficult moment, you already know where your tools are.

10 Simple Journal Prompts for Grief and Difficult Days

You don't always need a deep writing prompt. Start with whatever feels manageable.

1. What am I feeling right now?

2. What feels hardest today?

3. What do I wish someone understood?

4. What has been occupying my thoughts?

5. What do I need more of right now?

6. What can I give myself permission not to do today?

7. What is one thing that brought me comfort recently?

8. Who makes me feel supported?

9. What is one thing I can do in the next ten minutes?

10. What would being gentle with myself look like today?

You can write one sentence or several pages.

Both count.

Journaling Doesn't Have to Become Another Task

One mistake people sometimes make with journaling is turning it into another obligation.

You do not have to journal every morning.

You don't need to complete a certain number of pages.

You don't need a perfect journal.

And you certainly don't need profound thoughts every time you open it.

Some days your entire entry might be:

Today was hard. I don't really want to write about it.

That is still journaling.

Let the Tools Match the Moment

There may be days when writing feels helpful.

Other days you may want to keep your hands busy while watching television.

Sometimes you might take a walk.

Sometimes you might talk with someone.

And sometimes you may not want to do anything at all.

Grief is highly individual, and coping with it does not require finding one perfect strategy.

A journal can provide a place for thoughts that feel crowded.

A fidget or sensory object can give restless hands something simple to do.

And together, they can become part of a collection of small tools you turn to when life feels especially difficult.

When Simple Coping Tools Aren't Enough

Journaling, hobbies, sensory objects, and personal routines can be supportive, but they are not substitutes for professional care when someone is struggling significantly with grief.

If grief is severely disrupting everyday life, continues to feel unmanageable, or is accompanied by serious concerns about mental health or safety, consider talking with a qualified mental health professional or healthcare provider.

You don't have to choose between professional support and small everyday coping tools. Both can have a place.

Final Thoughts

Grief can be emotional, mental, and sometimes surprisingly restless.

If you find yourself unable to concentrate or constantly needing something to do with your hands, you don't necessarily need to force yourself to sit perfectly still and "process" everything.

Try giving your mind somewhere to put its thoughts and your hands something gentle to do.

Open a journal.

Write one sentence.

Hold a worry stone.

Turn a fidget ring.

Take five minutes.

Sometimes taking care of yourself during a difficult season begins with something very small.